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If you have ever been a Mom with a litle one in a civillized daycare center, you have probably experienced the anxiety I experienced. William (who was 3 at that time) had a biting problem. Here is the email my husband sent to his entire company (yes, the helpless guy broke the corporate law and sent the message to the entire company, including the CEO!) -

Sent: Tuesday, March 29, 2005 4:56 PM
To: xxxxxxxx Office
Subject: Frustrated father in mid 30s seeking legal way to detooth 3-yr-old son

My son took his 3rd bite on some kid in the daycare this morning.  One more bite, he will be kicked out - permanently.We are starting to look for another daycare center; at the same time, we are willing to try anything that might work…

Any constructive advice is greatly appreciated!

(please, NO joking! I am frustrated, and will gnaw!!)

Now, here is what happened later - William did take a 4th bite and we ended up meeting with the daycare director and agreed to read with him “The biting Crocodile” every morning before he left home. Did it really worked? I don’t know. But things did quiet down afterwards. My best guess is that since the rules were so strict, the teachers were downplaying subsequent incidents. In fact, we noticed a couple times that William came home with teeth marks in his arms. Should we have complained, maybe another unfortunate kid (and his/her unfortunate parents) would go through a nightmare. Looking back, our distress was very much unnecessary. Little kids use their mouth naturally (to taste, to feel, to pick up things, to break things…). When words are inadequate, arms tooshort, hands too weak, teeth come to help.

If you’re a new parent troubled by your kid’s biting problem, here is my advice -

1. Look at his/her daily routine - is it too stressful at a certain point of time? Especially if your kid is in the daycare full-time, stress can build up to a point that is unbearable to the little person. Work on the root cause to reduce his/her stress.

2. Review his/her communication skills. Being misunderstood can lead to extreme frustrations to a little kid. Help him/her to experess verbally, and practice it at home.

3. Teach him/her to bite properly. It’s not always possible for a 3 year old to stop doing what he/she knows is wrong. Try to teach them an alternative. less destructive way to do it. William learned to bite his blanket or his sleeves when he was mad; he also learned to speak it out when he was about to attack, such as “Daddy, I am mad! I am gonna bite you! ” That enhances his communication skills and sends a warning to people around him.

4. Take it easy. In my opinion, it’s normal. Little kids are all too human, just like we adults. We use tools to get what we want to get, and to a little child teeth happen to be a tool that is both effective and convenient. Let them take  a few bites (and receive a few as well) to learn the lesson. If your daycare center happens to have super strict rules on this, don’t get all stressed out - it could be more of a political issue to satisfy some extremely protective and demanding parents.

With all that said, do pay attention to the root causes. Find out what exactly pushes those little people over their limit - in my opinion that’s more important as too much stress in a young life can lead to long time impact emotionally.

Hapy parenting! 

It was dinner time, and William did something (which I no longer remember) that annoyed me. I gave him a gentle but apparently punishing slap on the back of his head.

“Daddy - Mommy hurt me”, he murmured, moving his chair closer to my husband.

Having seen exactly what happened, my husband chose to ignore him.

After a brief moment of silence, William moved even closer.

“Daddy - you know, THAT GIRL hurt YOUR son…”

“eh?”

“Yeah!”, the little guy nodded, eyes wide open as if he was revealing a well-protected domestic abuse scandal, “She hurt YOUR son, Daddy!!”